Posted in Personal

Ramblings About a Dream

Dreams Are Powerful

I had a strange dream last night.  I couldn’t fall asleep to save my life, and once I finally did, I felt like the littlest noises were waking me up.  My cat’s feet on the dresser, the sound of the AC kicking on, a car driving too fast down my street…they were all loud enough to wake me up.  On nights like that, I tend to wake up cranky the next morning and when I’m cranky, I lose all sense of motivation and inspiration.  That’s one of the reasons I love to choose to be in a good mood every day.  Not every day goes according to that plan, but I make the effort anyway.

Once I finally did fall asleep, I had the most powerful dream I had in recent memory.  I’d say that I remember my dreams about 75% of the time, and there are still some that come back fairly often.  Certain house floor plans (of houses that I’ve never been inside – ones my brain has made up), certain highways (that don’t actually exist) and certain neighborhood streets (that also don’t exist) are so vivid and appear so often that I could draw you a map.  It’s so strange.  Dreams are weird.

Anyway…this dream didn’t have any of those things, but it was so vivid and strong that I remembered it clearly when I woke up, and every word is still sticking in my head.  It’s been six hours since my alarm went off and I can still hear everything clearly.  Last night, in my dream, my grandmother (who we lost in 2012) gave me the lecture of all lectures about chasing dreams and goals.  I have no idea why last night was the night for her to “pay me a visit,” but I suspect it had a little bit to do with the fact that my outfit yesterday was coordinated around the one item of clothing that I kept from her closet after she passed.  I don’t know, just a hunch.  Maybe it…opened some kind of spiritual door or something?  I have no idea.  Could be coincidence.  But anyway, yes, my dream.  She came to me while I was sleeping, and she basically told me that I need to stop procrastinating.  I needed to get my butt in gear, and “shape up buttercup.”  See, ever since I was little, my grandma was always the one who encouraged my artistic side the most.  No one ever tried to squash it or anything, but it’s at her house that I have the vivid memories of painting at the kitchen table while she made us lunch.  It was at her house that she kept boxes of crayola markers (even though the purples were always dried out) just for us to use when we came over.  It was grandma that would pick up things at yard sales and resale shops and tell me “you could really make something beautiful out of this.”  She was, without question, the one who pushed me to pursue my creative talents.  She may not have realized it at the time, but her encouragement was really strong.

Ever since she passed a few years ago, my life has been a little bit…well…chaotic.  That, I’m sure is just coincidence.  I’ve struggled with relationships (of all kinds, not just the romantic), I’ve struggled to figure out what exactly I want to do with my life, and I’ve felt like while everyone around me is moving forward with their plans – I’m sitting here just stewing in my own mess of chaos and crazy.  I was literally talking to myself last night while I was folding laundry, telling myself “I can’t keep doing all of this craziness – I have to let go of things.  I have to figure all of this out.  I can’t keep living in this constant stream of stress, being overwhelmed and taking on too many projects.  I have to figure out what makes me HAPPIEST and find a way to make THAT my life day in and day out.”  Seriously, I was talking to myself.  It was me and my cat, and he surely wasn’t listening!  I’ve been really pulled toward my artwork lately – so much so that I’ve started up this blog, if that’s any indication.  And little by little, things are starting to pick up.

But when she spoke in my dream, it was like an awakening.  She lectured me just like she used to do when we were kids and we ate our dessert before dinner.  She told me what I need to do just like she used to tell us to wash our hands before dinner.  And she provided me with inspiration and ideas just like she provided us with paints, brushes, markers and paper when we were kids.  Melissa you are so talented, and I hate to see you even think about wasting this gift.  You can do great things with your artwork.  You know the people you need to contact, so contact them.  These shows and events that keep “magically” appearing?  It’s not magic – it’s a path.  Stop wasting time and being afraid, because being afraid will get you nowhere fast.  Do you think that your new painting style just “came to you out of nowhere?”  Because it didn’t – this is God’s way of inspiring you to pursue this!  Go after it!  This is it.  This is your path.  This is where you need to be, and you have everything you need to finally do this and be happy & stable.  You’re doing it right, just have a little faith – in yourself and in God’s plan.

Almost word for word, that was what she told me.  In a dream.  I didn’t sleep well, but after I was shaken awake from that dream – I slept hard.  That little dream speech set my mind at ease, and you know what happened?  I woke up inspired, refreshed, and with more ideas in my brain than I ever realized I had.  It’s like the internet speed increased in my brain and the universe is letting me download as many inspirational thoughts as possible.

So be ready, world.  Because BIG THINGS are coming from this girl.  I finally believe that I have the ability and the talent – and I’m finally ready to conquer my fear and start SHOWING it.  Believe in me now, support me now, because I finally do. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *